If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other. Relationships are like fat people Most of them don’t work out. Unfortunately, it’s the shape of a potato. I failed my driver’s test today. The instructor asked me “What do you do at a red light?

Best Man Speeches

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you. The man was astonished.

Funny Zombie Jokes For Halloween Zombies can be humorous and drop dead funny. Here is the last known collection of Zombie jokes put together before the apocalypse.

The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. Allan shouted across the garage, ‘Hey Doc can I ask you a question? Allan straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, ‘So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I work for a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?

When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room. After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem.

The Doc told him, ‘Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can’t drink tea.

Dating Jokes

When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks! What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Jul 02,  · Fun One Liners Posted: 7/2/ PM Other people are ‘types’. One always thinks of oneself as an individual. The trouble with political jokes is they usually get elected.

Heartbreak In , country music sensation Reba McEntire received the shock of a lifetime. After 26 years of marriage, her husband, Narvel Blackstock, decided that he wanted a divorce. By , he was her manager and supported her emotionally while going through a divorce from her first husband. The two became very close during this time and their relationship turned romantic.

The couple got married in on a boat in the middle of Lake Tahoe. Her life and career were on the up and up. How did it all begin? At a very young age, she was taught the value of hard work and contribution, paving the way for her future success and firey work ethic. Both her father and grandfather were rodeo steer ropers. Reba would often sing for the local radio and would sing the national anthem at rodeo competitions.

As a prize, she got to use a new Ford for six months. She says that she put a whopping 18, miles on it before it came time to return the truck.

Dude, Not Funny!

When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks!

One-line jokes are usually a play on words that involves twisting language with humorous results. The best one-line jokes are puns, sarcasm, and truisms that catch you off guard, offer a quick laugh, and allow you to see the humor in the everyday happenings of life.

Let’s break up now, it’s all over Sorry, sorry, sorry, that was not for you. Funny jokes about dating – In the morning – Honey, would you like me to bring coffee to the bed? Funny jokes about dating – Got pregnant Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant a lot has changed My name, mobile phone number, living address, etc.

Funny jokes about dating – He vs SheHe: Can I buy you a drink?

Tim Vine’s top ten jokes

What does marriage do? It puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes. How do you transfer funds even faster than electronic banking? Whats the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!

Dirty. Shorty. Funny. Sexy. Witty. One liner jokes!! Women love men with a sense of humor. The life of the party is the man who cracks the right joke at the right s: 4.

Clean short funny jokes Funny one line jokes about dating, relationships and marriage to make you smile. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! Marriage is give and take. My wife and I always compromise. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay in better spirits night and day.

Polish jokes. Clean short stories

It can be a short saying, funny statement or opinion, famous funny quote taht you can apply in your daily life situations. Various comedians and people, who want to make fun, use one liners, to make unexpected story moves and provoke laughter. Best One Liner jokes One-liner jokes – A man sank A man sank in a pond despite the fact that he was a Pisces according to horoscope and total shit as a man. One-liner jokes – Life Life keeps fucking you, but with no orgasm.

One-liner jokes – The good The good is when you do bad things for bad people. One liner jokes – Neighbor My neighbor is a real Genie.

Doctor’s One-liner Advice Crazy Logic – Classic Doctor Joke Keep Drinking the Water Doctor Makes Read more. Funny doctor jokes. When the patient fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. See more clean, free yet funny one-liners and stories from doctors’notes.

Get the best compilation of funny fart jokes and quotes from Jokes Company. There are a number of different funny and hilarious jokes around but still, fart jokes and puns are regarded as one of the most exciting ones for sure. So, keeping that in mind, we have compiled a list of funniest fart jokes and riddles for all of you. Hilarious Fart Jokes These are the best fart jokes you will see on the entire internet.

Not only the fart jokes but also the fart memes , fart quotes. What did one butt hole say to the other? Attempting your first silent public fart after a bout of diarrhea. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him: A man with diarrhea chancing a fart! What do you get if you eat refried beans and onions?

What is the sharpest thing in the world? Why do horses like to fart when they buck?

Men/Women

Well, maybe except really funny short jokes. Reading some good jokes can kick your day off with a laugh and a smile, and why not do just that? To help you we have made a compilation of some of the best of the great jokes and funny one line jokes that we know – on all sorts of topics from short funny jokes to great jokes about countries to dating jokes to jokes about alcohol and much more.

To kick off the page, we present:

The dating app Hinge (it’s like Tinder but based more on your Facebook friend group) did some experimenting to find out what kinds of opening messages work best once you’ve been matched with someone. Normally, on Hinge you’re free to use whatever opening line you want — it shows you mutual friends and interests then gives you a blank canvas.

Funny one liners on relationships 1. There are two theories to arguing with women. I think, therefore I’m single. If you love something, turn it loose. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it. Something tells me that I shouldn’t date until the world makes sense again. Divorce – from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him.

Answers

Cooper has more entries in the top 50 than any other comedian and had five in the top 10 alone. The highest placed gag attributed to the Welsh comic genius, who died during the filming of a television show in , was one about a gym instructor and the splits. Researchers scoured the web and examined more than 1, jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 on which 36, people voted.

Funny pick up lines that are guaranteed to bring you success with the ladies every time.

Dosis Von Lustig Author: We put together this collection of classic and hilarious Rodney Dangerfield jokes to honor the late comedian, who is one of the best of all-time. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have? Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. She was on the phone.

And found my wife’s dress in the back seat. She told me to hide in the closet. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west!

Chris Turner One Liner Comedian